The Mystery of Life

Do you ever just want to scream out the question “why?” Maybe just yell at the top of your lungs in into the dark night sky? How about into a canyon and hear it’s echo? Maybe it is just a simple as in the middle of watching the news and a story breaks your heart. WHY? I have had a lot of extra time this week to ask the question “why” and even more time to try to figure out the answers.

I don’t know about you, but I like to plan and be prepared for what is to come. I don’t like to be unprepared and I don’t like looking as if I have no idea what is going on. At the very least, I like to have the appearance of being in control.

What I have been reminded of over the last weeks and months is this very simple reality… I am not in control. While I have the ability to make decisions and will get to experience most of the consequences, overall control is not in my grasp. None of us are in control.

I think about the people in Japan right now that thought they were in control just a few short weeks ago… now look at their lives – their houses – their investments – their everything. Everything changed in a matter of minutes. At this very moment, all of those people who thought they were in control are struggling to cope with a whole new way of life.

They may ask (and you may ask) “Why God?”

We need to remember that God is so much bigger than us and He is in control. It blows my mind to try to think outside of the human element for even a second and figure out what God is up to. Do you realize that He knew every little detail of our lives before we ever took our first breath? How is that possible? He knew that the earthquake would happen, the tsunami would happen, the cancer would happen, and the ________ would happen, and He is still able to work it all together for His glory… some how, some way.

There are times in life where life gets put into perspective. For me, one of those times is now.

James 4:14 tells us… Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.

What is my life all about? How much longer will it go on? How much longer will I see family members on this Earth? Friends, neighbors, co workers… the list goes on. Who will go before us, who will bury us? We live as if we are never going to die but unfortunately, that is not the case. Death is a part of this life and it will come to each of us eventually.

Those wonderful thoughts that have flooded my mind have led me back to some other very basic questions…
Why are you here? Why am I here? What purpose are you and I supposed to have? How do we work into God’s overall plan? Am I doing anything to screw up His plan? Are we making the most of our time or are we wasting the opportunities that God has given us? What is really important?

Yeah. I know. Heavy thoughts. This is what happens when you lose control and all the pleasures of this world (our substitutes for real joy that are supposed to make you happy) fail at their job.

BUT… When you look at the questions above… when you come to realization that you were born to do more than just breathe and satisfy yourself, when you look to the true joy that is far beyond anything this world has to offer, life becomes a little more clear, even when you are not in control. Why? Because you know WHO is.

Video Blog - 3.10.11

God is the initiator, we are merely the responder.

The following blog post is a "re-post" from Perry Noble, the Pastor of NewSpring Church in South Carolina.  It goes very well with what I was talking about yesterday (Luke 5:1-11) and I thought it was something you too should read.


(Taken from perrynoble.com)
In my opinion some of the scariest verses in the Bible are…

• Hebrews 3:7-8
• Hebrews 3:15
• Hebrews 4:7

We are commanded by God in the Scriptures that, when we hear His voice to not harden our hearts.

How do we harden our hearts?

Simple…by KNOWING what God’s Word clearly says about something but refusing to obey because doing so might seriously interfere with the lifestyle that we are wanting to pursue.

• It happens when people know they should respond to the Gospel but keep finding reasons to say no.
• It happens when a person knows they are in an ungodly dating relationship but fears being alone more than they fear God.
• It happens when a person knows their life is out of control…but fears if they confess their sin and ask for help it may seriously damage their reputation.
• It happens when someone knows they should stop spending money the way they do…but have become dependent upon numbing their pain with the temporary satisfaction that trinkets bring.
• It happens when a church leaders knows the direction God is wanting him/her to take the ministry…but they refuse to do so because they fear being unpopular with the people.
• It happens when a person knows they should not continue to pursue the “innocent flirting” with someone at work…but…it feeds their ego or fulfills their emotions so they continue the practice.
• It happens when a person knows they should stop the intimate connections they are making online…but refuses to stop because of the pleasure it brings.
• It happens when we know we should invite someone to church and/or share Christ with them…but we convince ourselves that they would not be interested OR that we will simply do it later.

I could go on and on…but we all get the point.

When people harden their hearts in Scripture it just doesn’t go well for them.

My question is this…is there anything in your life that God seems to be relentless in coming after?

If so…are you repenting or defending?  Because, when you defend what you are doing in the face of a Holy and awesome God who wants nothing but the best for you…then you are actively hardening your heart.  AND…one day…you might not even be able to hear His voice anymore if you don’t deal with what He’s dealing with!

It’s not that most of us don’t hear the voice of God…it’s that we don’t like what we hear and so we either fight with Him or ask Him to tell us something else.  BUT…until we deal with what He’s dealing with we will NEVER get past where we are right now.  (See Ezekiel 14:1-6)

Today…if you hear His voice, do not harden your heart!

Don't waste your ________________

Don’t Waste your Cancer

(taken from a John Piper Blog)

A week ago today I received a call from my Dr. telling me that my biopsy came back as cancer.  It has been a whirlwind of a week since that phone call.  It has consisted of a handful of appointments, a PET scan and plenty of prayers and encouraging notes.

One encouraging note was a link to the blog of John Piper, a Christian theologian that was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2006.  I thought what he had to say in this blog was very interesting.  I have added some of my thoughts to each point (in italics).

1. You will waste your cancer if you do not believe it is designed for you by God.

It will not do to say that God only uses our cancer but does not design it. What God permits, He permits for a reason. And that reason is his design. If God foresees molecular developments becoming cancer, He can stop it or not. If He does not, He has a purpose. Since He is infinitely wise, it is right to call this purpose a design.

MY THOUGHTS:  I know God has a plan for my life.  There are days it seems 100% clear and other days (like today) when I am not sure where this is going, but I do know He knows what He is doing.  He has made this cancer a part of me.  It is a part of my overall story.  Just like everything in my past, it makes me who I am.

2. You will waste your cancer if you believe it is a curse and not a gift.

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us” (Galatians 3:13). “There is no enchantment against Jacob, no divination against Israel” (Numbers 23:23). “The Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Psalm 83:11).

MY THOUGHTS:  I love the song by Matt Redman – “Blessed Be Your Name.”  It talks about giving God the glory and praising His name in the good times as well as the bad times.  While “cancer is a gift” is a hard statement to comprehend, it really goes back to #1 – God having a plan for my life.  He can use this to reach others… what a gift that is.  He can open doors with this that I may never have been able to open otherwise.

3. You will waste your cancer if you seek comfort from your odds rather than from God.

The design of God in your cancer is not to train you in the rationalistic, human calculation of odds. The world gets comfort from their odds. Not Christians. Some count their chariots (percentages of survival) and some count their horses (side effects of treatment), but we trust in the name of the Lord our God (Psalm 20:7).

MY THOUGHTS:  This is something that I have not thought about.  Maybe it’s because there haven’t been any “odds” thrown my way or maybe it’s because I do trust in God, but thinking about some human calculation has never been something that has crossed my mind.

4. You will waste your cancer if you refuse to think about death.

We will all die, if Jesus postpones his return. Not to think about what it will be like to leave this life and meet God is folly. Eccl. 7:2 says, “It is better to go to the house of mourning [a funeral] than to go to the house of feasting, for this is the end of all mankind, and the living will lay it to heart.” How can you lay it to heart if you won’t think about it? Psalm 90:12 says, “Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.” Numbering your days means thinking about how few there are and that they will end. How will you get a heart of wisdom if you refuse to think about this? What a waste, if we do not think about death.

MY THOUGHTS:  Today I sat through a funeral.  I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that the thought of dying didn’t cross my mind.  As a matter of fact, I began planning a possible funeral in my head… right down to possibly video recording my own “final sermon.”  What to say, what to do… the reality is death is real for each and every one of us and when we face something like “cancer” our eyes are opened a little wider to what is to come.

5. You will waste your cancer if you think that “beating” cancer means staying alive rather than cherishing Christ.

Satan’s and God’s designs in your cancer are not the same. Satan designs to destroy your love for Christ. God designs to deepen your love for Christ. Cancer does not win if you die. It wins if you fail to cherish Christ.  “To live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21)

MY THOUGHTS:  The first time I found out I had cancer, life changed for me.   My priorities changed, my thought process changed, my world view changed.  As I look at my life five years later, I have really changed and I feel like I have matured.  I don’t know what is to come five years from now, but I am hoping that I am closer to who God wants me to be.

6. You will waste your cancer if you spend too much time reading about cancer and not enough time reading about God.

It is not wrong to know about cancer. Ignorance is not a virtue. But the lure to know more and more and the lack of zeal to know God more and more is symptomatic of unbelief. Cancer is meant to waken us to the reality of God  It is meant to waken us to the truth of Daniel 11:32, “The people who know their God shall stand firm and take action.”

MY THOUGHTS:  One area I saw my life change was in my “reading” about God and learning the realities of God.

7. You will waste your cancer if you let it drive you into solitude instead of deepen your relationships with manifest affection.

This is the kind of heart God is aiming to create with cancer: a deeply affectionate, caring heart for people. Don’t waste your cancer by retreating into yourself.

MY THOUGHTS:  I am an outgoing person, but in all reality, I didn’t want to tell anyone about what was going on.  Why?  Simply put, I don’t like it when people worry about me.  After reading this thought it hit me… this isn’t about what people feel for and about me – but instead how my feelings have changed towards others – and they really have.

8. You will waste your cancer if you grieve as those who have no hope.

Paul used this phrase in relation to those whose loved ones had died: “We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13). There is a grief at death. Even for the believer who dies, there is temporary loss—loss of body, and loss of loved ones here, and loss of earthly ministry. But the grief is different—it is permeated with hope. “We would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:8). Don’t waste your cancer grieving as those who don’t have this hope.

MY THOUGHTS:  I have hope.  PERIOD.

9. You will waste your cancer if you treat sin as casually as before.

Are your besetting sins as attractive as they were before you had cancer? If so you are wasting your cancer. Cancer is designed to destroy the appetite for sin. Pride, greed, lust, hatred, unforgiveness, impatience, laziness, procrastination—all these are the adversaries that cancer is meant to attack. Don’t just think of battling against cancer. Also think of battling with cancer. All these things are worse enemies than cancer. Don’t waste the power of cancer to crush these foes. Let the presence of eternity make the sins of time look as futile as they really are.

MY THOUGHTS:  We waste our time and life on such stupid things… things that do not matter and things that are just plain selfish and wrong.  It really is amazing to look at my life through a new lens (again) and understand the trivial nature of some of the stupid things I do.

10. You will waste your cancer if you fail to use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ.

Christians are never anywhere by divine accident. There are reasons for why we wind up where we do. Consider what Jesus said about painful, unplanned circumstances: “They will lay their hands on you and persecute you, delivering you up to the synagogues and prisons, and you will be brought before kings and governors for my name’s sake. This will be your opportunity to bear witness” (Luke 22:12-13). So it is with cancer. This will be an opportunity to bear witness. Christ is infinitely worthy. Here is a golden opportunity to show that he is worth more than life. Don’t waste it.

MY THOUGHTS:  Like I said in #1 – God has a plan.  I want everyone to know that I am OK with where I am in life and what Christ is doing in me and through me.  My faith is strong and growing stronger.  God is going to use this for His glory and I am excited to see what that is going to be.

As you read this, you may not understand why God does some things whether in my life or in yours.  You may be battling with your own struggles that you can substitute for the word “cancer” throughout this blog.  Understand that God is in control of your life, just like mine.  Isaiah 55:8 tells us  "My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.”  Be open to what God can do, no matter the situation.

It's Friday!!!

Paragon and other followers,
It is Friday and I, for one, am glad this week is almost over.  I am really looking forward to this Sunday at Paragon... our last meeting at Sandia Vista and its Communion Sunday.  I hope you can join us.

On a side note, I appreciate all the prayers and messages of encouragement throughout this week.  It really means a lot to me and my family.  This blog has been a good place for me to keep you up to date with my status but I feel like this needs to stay the church's blog, not my personal one.  So, from here on out, the rest of my updates can be found at the SELLERSFAMILYFIVE blog (linked to the right under "other blogs")  I will try to limit this blog to our church's updates (and there will be a lot over the next weeks and months).

Have a great weekend and I look forward to seeing you on Sunday Morning.
Matt

A quick video update

Thank you all for your prayers.  Today (Thursday) is the first test (PET Scan) to see where we go from here.  I really hate not knowing what is next but I know God is in control today, just like He has been through my entire life.

A Valentine's Day to remember

As I write this, Valentine’s Day has come to a close.  This has been a Valentine’s weekend I will cherish and a Valentine’s day I will not ever forget.  Our weekend was filled with special dates with each of our children.  On Sunday, I was lucky enough to accompany my sweet 2 year old princess on a date to Johnny Rockets for a milkshake, Build-a-bear to make a "kittykat" and a ride on the carousel. 

Monday came.  We set out fun valentines for each of the kids this morning and then, sent Camden off to school.  Christy left to take Payton on his date to the aquarium.  Shortly after they got home, a phone call changed the rest of our day.  It was a call we had been anticipating all weekend.  It was my doctor.  Seconds into the call, he broke the news that my cancer was back.

Five years ago, I was diagnosed with squamous cell cancer on my tongue.  I had surgery to cut out the cancer and lost ¼ of my tongue.  In the last couple of months I had been having some discomfort and wanted to get it checked out.  (I normally have a check-up every six months.)  Friday, Christy and I went to the doctor and he took one look at my tongue and requested a biopsy of the spot.  He wasn’t very optimistic.  So we had been waiting for an answer.  The doctor was calling with the results.

It came back as cancer, again.  As he told me, I tried to be strong… I tried to not let it bother me as Christy watched my reaction.  I failed.  I cried and emotions flooded my mind. Christy and I sat on the couch and cried.  Our tears turned into blank stares and questions trying to figure out what the next few months would hold for our family.  I picked up the phone to call two very important men in my life, my dad and Christy’s dad.  I didn’t know how or if I was even going to be able to tell them.  I tried to compose myself.  If there ever is a good time to be told you have cancer, right now was not it--not on Valentines Day after a great day with my family; not with so many things going on in my life.  From family to church… this isn’t something else I want to have to deal with right now, but I don’t have a choice in the matter.  Maybe it is for the better.  God does everything for a reason and even though I don’t know that reason today, I know there is a purpose behind it.

As I got this disturbing news, my mind was bombarded with questions.  I am sure you have lots of questions too.  The following weeks will have much in store for my family and me.  I will be having a PETscan to make sure the cancer isn’t anywhere else in my body.  I will also undergo another surgery as well as radiation.  I want to remind you and assure you that God doesn’t need me to continue to do great things at Paragon Church.  It’s His church and His plans.  We will press on toward the goal before us.  This is just a minor bump in the road. 

Our family covets your prayers during this time.

Jim Cartwright sent me this story today and I felt it was a good story to share with you.  It comes from Max Lucado’s book Come Thirsty.  (copyright Thomas Nelson, 2004)

The Woodcutter’s Wisdom (by Max Lucado – from Come Thirsty)

Once there was an old man who lived in a tiny village. Although poor, he was envied by all, for he owned a beautiful white horse. Even the king coveted his treasure. A horse like this had never been seen before—such was its splendor, its majesty, its strength.

People offered fabulous prices for the steed, but the old man always refused. “This horse is not a horse to me,” he would tell them. “It is a person. How could you sell a person? He is a friend, not a possession. How could you sell a friend?” The man was poor and the temptation was great. But he never sold the horse.

One morning he found that the horse was not in the stable. All the village came to see him. “You old fool,” they scoffed, “we told you that someone would steal your horse. We warned you that you would be robbed. You are so poor. How could you ever hope to protect such a valuable animal? It would have been better to have sold him. You could have gotten whatever price you wanted. No amount would have been too high. Now the horse is gone, and you’ve been cursed with misfortune.”

The old man responded, “Don’t speak too quickly. Say only that the horse is not in the stable. That is all we know; the rest is judgment. If I’ve been cursed or not, how can you know? How can you judge?”

The people contested, “Don’t make us out to be fools! We may not be philosophers, but great philosophy is not needed. The simple fact that your horse is gone is a curse.”

The old man spoke again. “All I know is that the stable is empty, and the horse is gone. The rest I don’t know. Whether it be a curse or a blessing, I can’t say. All we can see is a fragment. Who can say what will come next?”

The people of the village laughed. They thought that the man was crazy. They had always thought he was a fool; if he wasn’t, he would have sold the horse and lived off the money. But instead, he was a poor woodcutter, an old man still cutting firewood and dragging it out of the forest and selling it. He lived hand to mouth in the misery of poverty. Now he had proven that he was, indeed, a fool.

After fifteen days, the horse returned. He hadn’t been stolen; he had run away into the forest. Not only had he returned, he had brought a dozen wild horses with him. Once again the village people gathered around the woodcutter and spoke. “Old man, you were right and we were wrong. What we thought was a curse was a blessing. Please forgive us.”

The man responded, “Once again, you go too far. Say only that the horse is back. State only that a dozen horses returned with him, but don’t judge. How do you know if this is a blessing or not? You see only a fragment. Unless you know the whole story, how can you judge? You read only one page of a book. Can you judge the whole book? You read only one word of a phrase. Can you understand the entire phrase?

“Life is so vast, yet you judge all of life with one page or one word. All you have is a fragment! Don’t say that this is a blessing. No one knows. I am content with what I know. I am not perturbed by what I don’t.”

“Maybe the old man is right,” they said to one another. So they said little. But down deep, they knew he was wrong. They knew it was a blessing. Twelve wild horses had returned with one horse. With a little bit of work, the animals could be broken and trained and sold for much money.

The old man had a son, an only son. The young man began to break the wild horses. After a few days, he fell from one of the horses and broke both legs. Once again the villagers gathered around the old man and cast their judgments.

“You were right,” they said. “You proved you were right. The dozen horses were not a blessing. They were a curse. Your only son has broken his legs, and now in your old age you have no one to help you. Now you are poorer than ever.”

The old man spoke again. “You people are obsessed with judging. Don’t go so far. Say only that my son broke his legs. Who knows if it is a blessing or a curse? No one knows. We only have a fragment. Life comes in fragments.”

It so happened that a few weeks later the country engaged in war against a neighboring country. All the young men of the village were required to join the army. Only the son of the old man was excluded, because he was injured. Once again the people gathered around the old man, crying and screaming because their sons had been taken. There was little chance that they would return. The enemy was strong, and the war would be a losing struggle. They would never see their sons again.

“You were right, old man,” they wept. “God knows you were right. This proves it. Your son’s accident was a blessing. His legs may be broken, but at least he is with you. Our sons are gone forever.”

The old man spoke again. “It is impossible to talk with you. You always draw conclusions. No one knows. Say only this: Your sons had to go to war, and mine did not. No one knows if it is a blessing or a curse. No one is wise enough to know. Only God knows.”

The old man was right. We only have a fragment. Life’s mishaps and horrors are only a page out of a grand book. We must be slow about drawing conclusions. We must reserve judgment on life’s storms until we know the whole story.

I don’t know where the woodcutter learned his patience. Perhaps from another woodcutter in Galilee. For it was the Carpenter who said it best:  “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” (Matthew 6:34)

He should know. He is the Author of our story. And he has already written the final chapter.